GLITTER MAKES ALL THINGS BETTER: PART 1

Boring report?

BORING REPORT - FINAL

Not anymore!

AWESOME REPORT - FINAL

Ruined shirt?

GLITTER STAIN - DAMMIT FINAL BLOG

Nope glitter art.

GLITTER STAIN FIXED - FINAL - BLOG

Scary psycho cat?

SCAFRY PSYCHO CAT FINAL

Silly glitter kitty

SILLY GLITTER KITTY FINAL

Internet?

GLITTERNET - FINAL BLOG

You mean GLITTERNET.

GLITTERNET GLOW - FINAL BLOG

 

SEE? What’d I say? Better right? That’s my belief anyway….

Growing up, I had an extraordinary love for all things glitter.

When I say “love”, I really mean “obsession”, & when I say “had”

I’m lying. (Glitter is my homeboy.)

I still love all things glitter. It’s just now as a grown up, I’ve learned to keep it in check…almost.

SO PREEDY - FINAL blog.jpg

 

1CONTROL THE PREEDY - FINAL1

 

 

2CONTROL THE PREEDY - FINAL3

 

 

3CONTROL THE PREEDY - FINAL4

 

 

4CONTROL THE PREEDY - FINAL5

Like I said; almost. But I do keep tabs on my glitter use…I have to; otherwise it tends to get a little outta hand.

I don’t know how I came to be so…“enthusiastic” over glitter. There’s no moment I can pin point & go there, right there that’s when I started this obsession. I think I was just born with it; instinctually, like moths to a flame; only glitter.

The attraction was simple. Everything seemed prettier, happier with glitter.

You could show me a smiley face sticker:

PLAIN SMILEY

And a smiley face sticker with glitter:

GLITTER SMILEY

And no thought needed I’d auto pounce for the one with the glitter.

I’d go ape sh!t for anything shiny, sparkly, or glittery.

I use the term “ape sh!t” because the Urban Dictionary (and we all know how undeniably accurate it has proven itself to be time & time again) defines it as:

“an undignified loss of control”

APE SHIT GLITTER CRAZY COLLAGE.png

 

Yep, that sounds about right.

But, can you really blame me?

Glitter is honest. It doesn’t have a fancy hip name like “Connor”; it’s glitter. Plain & simple, and amazing!

And it makes everyone smile. Maybe not always on the outside, but most certainly on the inside.

Ever seen something glittery & thought,

JUST GREAT FINAL BLOG text

Yea didn’t think so.

Glitter is pretty awesome & I immensely enjoyed partaking in it. A lot. Ok, A LOT, a lot.

I earned the nickname Glitter Girl. Best. Nickname. Ever. And I was having the best time ever with all things glitter.

As the years passed, somewhere along the line; I lost touch with, let’s call it “portion control”.

PORTION CONTROL - GLITTER BLOG2

 

GLITTER LIE MOM1 - GLITTER BLOG

 

GLITTER LIE1 - GLITTER BLOG

 

GLITTER LIE MOM1 - GLITTER BLOGz

 

GLITTER LIE2 - GLITTER BLOG

 

And it only got worse from there….

My brain now associated all things positive with all things glitter. I unknowingly operantly conditioned myself. The connection between the two solidified in my synapses, like a viral program that could not be stopped. It was hardwired.

I floored it past the Point-of-No-Return; free falling in a sparkling spiral.

(OH that sounds pretty! ..Stop it.)

GLITTER SPIRAL FINAL2

 

As pretty as that does sound…It began effecting my life & those around me.

At first it was harmless…cheeky…almost justifiable…

CHURCH GLITTER - FINAL USE THIS ONE

 

CHURCH GLITTER DRESS FINAL THIS ONE

 

Over time, left untreated, my condition got a bit worse…more desperate…especially if my fix was scarce…

GOT GLITTER FINAL - THIS ONE

 

Towards the end…it just got plain ugly…

ENOUGH GLITTER QUESTION FINAL

 

 

 

ENOUGH GLITTER BLUE FINAL

 

It was then I realized I may have a slight problem.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BLOG TBC MY DAISY DOG - GLITTER FINAL -PASTEL GLITTER final

EASTER WISDOM

I really loved Easter as a child & always had a pretty hoppy eggsperience. Still, there are a few tips I gathered through my childhood years that would’ve been very bunnyficial to know from the get go. If I could go back, this is the Easter wisdom I’d impart on my kid-self.

1. Dogs like Easter egg hunts too. (To you, you’re hiding eggs to find later. To a dog, you’ve just willingly abandoned food.)

DOG EGG2

 

2. A colored egg does not necessarily mean it’s a cooked egg.

EGG CRACK2

 

3. A black jelly bean is not blackberry flavored. It is crap flavored. Do not accept them in trade.

BLACK JELLYBEANS

 

4. Marshmallow peeps are not peeps and are not marshmallow. They look like yellow sugar turds & make great door stops.

PEEP

 

5. Candy is a very tempting commodity:
a. If you have siblings, watch your basket.

WATCH BASKET SIBLING

b. If you have dogs, watch your basket.

WATCH BASKET DOGS

c. If you have parents, watch your basket.

WATCH BASKET PARENTS

d. Always watch your basket.

WATCH BASKET ALWAYS 3

 

6. If you’re having trouble finding eggs, look for the kid that’s making a bee line, and just be faster than that kid. I’m not saying it’s ethical; I’m just saying, it works.

BEE LINE

 

7. When attempting to remove from the basket, Easter grass can magically multiply like bunnies.

EASTER GRASS 1

 

 

EASTER GRASS 2

 
8. Biting the ears off of a chocolate bunny is very satisfying; especially if the chocolate bunny belongs to someone else.

BUNNY EARS

 

9. If you get any Russell Stover eggs that have the word “maple” on the label; throw them out, they taste like wood.

MAPLE

 
10. And the most important bit of information I can share with you: Mall Easter Bunnies are creepy.

CREEPY BUNNY 2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EASTER DAISY-PROFILE.png

Pic Share: FREE MONEY!?

So, I received an email a few weeks ago from a stranger; reaching out to give me money. The kind soul that she is somehow picked ME & sent money to my PayPal account (I didn’t know I had a PayPal account but I must since the email says so).

She was nice enough to email me personally too SEE! I must say, what an interesting email address & domain, “.io”. I don’t know many people in the Indian Ocean territory (Ok I don’t know ANY people in the Indian Ocean territory)… and “stuffqbbun” ???…okaaay…But hey maybe it’s a username with a special meaning; & who am I to judge; especially when there’s exactly “$3,182.00” at stake. Never look a gift horse in the mouth right?

Wow she even provided me with a link so I don’t have to go to my PayPal account (that I didn’t know I had), I can just “Click to continue”. Now THAT’S convenience!

Hmmm…the link seems to take me to a different website than PayPal; maybe that’s just a mistake in naming the coding or something; it has to be; after all, Adelaide said “Best of Luck”. That sounds sincere so it must be real.

What a thoughtful person; kinda like that Nigerian prince fellow. PayPal recommends I withdraw NOW, so I better be the good not-thinking-for-myself drone that I am & click right away!

Thanks Adelaide, wherever you are! You made my day!

FREE MONEY fb.png

Pic Share: SESAME STREET LOGIC

My daughter loves Elmo’s World (this is the part where you feel sorry for me); & wants her fix 24/7, but Mommy needs to NOT bleed out her eyes & scream into a pillow; so watching this TV show is a timed event. Two episodes max.

It’s not that bad of a children’s program I guess; especially considering the alternatives…remember Teletubbies….Dear. God.

It’s educational too. At times though, I question it’s logic.

Case in point: The Jumping Episode.

Scene: Elmo is talking to a pogo stick….

Elmo: “Elmo loves jumping.”

Pogo Stick: “Then you’ll probably like some other jumping sports.”

Elmo: “Really? Like what?”

Pogo Stick: “How about, skydiving!! You jump out of a plane wearing a parachute. How great is that?!”

End Scene.

How does one’s trail of thought go from jumping on a pogo stick to skydiving? Jumping out of a plane & free falling to the earth with nothing but a sheet to slow you down, isn’t exactly the next level of intensity from bouncing 7 inches in the air on a stick.

That’s like saying, “Hey if you like feeding your goldfish, you’ll LOVE swimming in chum with great whites.”

But maybe that’s just me. ^.^

elmo-logic

HOT? NO. MESS? YES.

The term “hot mess” has become rather skewed & diluted over the years; morphing from its original meaning of someone who is a walking disaster that you can’t look away from because they’re just that bad; to a mere main stream umbrella cheeky compliment girls bestow upon themselves or each other along with a “oh gurl” and a “tee hee”.

A hot mess, as fun as it is to both see and say; let’s be honest with ourselves…No one is really hot and drunk at the same time.

Nope, stop it; stop trying to think of the exception. There are none. You can be hot as in sweating like a pig; which is most often the case; especially in a club. But hot as in sexy, and also drunk; no…that’s called something else; delusional.

A night on the town will give you oodles (yes oodles) of examples. You’ll encounter hordes of profusely sweating, make-up smeared, hair frizzed, both shoes off, lipstick teeth, wonky-eyed, obnoxiously bejeweled, squawking, plastered messes; that truly feel that despite their head spinning and having lost the ability to say their own name, or walk a remotely straight line; are “deeply & importantly” hot.

This is coming from the voice of experience. My sorority years were almost completely navigated by my inner imp. You know what I’m talking about. That tiny voice we all have that feeds us bad ideas but somehow, magically, they sound like the exact thing we should be doing. It’s that same voice that convinces you pizza has all four food groups so it must be good for you….yeah that inner imp.

So yes, I can relate; and I can attest one doesn’t plan on being drunk and “delusionally” hot.

It’s not like you’re not all “I’m going to get dolled up, go drink way too much than I can handle, then drink a lot more, and go make poor life choices as my inner imp controls my brain, raging til dawn all the while convincing myself I’m ok and still f#cking hot, til I pass out, wake up, rinse, & repeat.”

Hardly. It’s not a goal you set out to achieve; but you see, once you listen to that inner imp…it’s all over.

The night is young and all is well until your inner imp whispers in your ear….

 

inner imp final - blog edit1

 

For some reason, against your better judgement, you actually listen to your inner imp. Dumbass. And so begins the spiral of delusion. Enter the “hot mess”.

 

How you THINK you dance drunk:

in-da-club-dreamin-final-blog-edit

 

How you ACTUALLY dance drunk:

in-da-club-reality-final-blog-edit

 

How you THINK you look in the mirror drunk:

in-da-club-mirror-dreamin-final

 

How you ACTUALLY look drunk:

in-da-club-mirror-reality-final

 

How you THINK you flirt drunk:

in-da-club-hawt-dreamin-final-blog-edit

 

How you ACTUALLY flirt drunk:

in-da-club-hawt-reality-final-blog-edit

……

How you WISH you ended the night:

sleep-final

 

How you ACTUALLY ended the night:

no-sleep-final

 

Hot? No.

Mess? Indisputably so.

In closing, I feel fairly accurate when I say that the hot and drunk delusion happens to the best of us…and the worst of us…ok all of us. Everyone can relate at some level. If you can’t…you’re delusional. Don’t kid yourself. Are you sober reading this? Being delusional and sober is far worse than being delusional and plastered. Get help. And avoid your inner imp.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

drunk-daisy-cropped

Pic Share: OCD DOGGIE

Dogs are very sensitive. They pick up on things like feelings, gestures, moods, and apparently behavioral disorders.

We got a new mattress & frame. When we lifted the old one up to change it out; we discovered that our yorkie, like her Mommy (me), is total OCD.

Under the bed, she arranged all of her older “babies” (they’re not toys, they’re her babies) in a neat semi-circle. She arranged all of her newer “babies” in a tidy straight line at the head of the bed.

ocd-doggie

She threw a fit when we moved the bed; darting around her “babies”, trying to put them back in place. We disturbed her perfectly organized domain that she worked so hard to create. I don’t blame her; I’d be the same way.

ocd-doggie1

I guess she watched me organize enough times & picked up on it.
I wonder if I constantly exposed her to folding clothes she’d pick up on that too….