The term “hot mess” has become rather skewed & diluted over the years; morphing from its original meaning of someone who is a walking disaster that you can’t look away from because they’re just that bad; to a mere main stream umbrella cheeky compliment girls bestow upon themselves or each other along with a “oh gurl” and a “tee hee”.

A hot mess, as fun as it is to both see and say; let’s be honest with ourselves…No one is really hot and drunk at the same time.

Nope, stop it; stop trying to think of the exception. There are none. You can be hot as in sweating like a pig; which is most often the case; especially in a club. But hot as in sexy, and also drunk; no…that’s called something else; delusional.

A night on the town will give you oodles (yes oodles) of examples. You’ll encounter hordes of profusely sweating, make-up smeared, hair frizzed, both shoes off, lipstick teeth, wonky-eyed, obnoxiously bejeweled, squawking, plastered messes; that truly feel that despite their head spinning and having lost the ability to say their own name, or walk a remotely straight line; are “deeply & importantly” hot.

This is coming from the voice of experience. My sorority years were almost completely navigated by my inner imp. You know what I’m talking about. That tiny voice we all have that feeds us bad ideas but somehow, magically, they sound like the exact thing we should be doing. It’s that same voice that convinces you pizza has all four food groups so it must be good for you….yeah that inner imp.

So yes, I can relate; and I can attest one doesn’t plan on being drunk and “delusionally” hot.

It’s not like you’re not all “I’m going to get dolled up, go drink way too much than I can handle, then drink a lot more, and go make poor life choices as my inner imp controls my brain, raging til dawn all the while convincing myself I’m ok and still f#cking hot, til I pass out, wake up, rinse, & repeat.”

Hardly. It’s not a goal you set out to achieve; but you see, once you listen to that inner imp…it’s all over.

The night is young and all is well until your inner imp whispers in your ear….

 

 

For some reason, against your better judgement, you actually listen to your inner imp. Dumbass. And so begins the spiral of delusion. Enter the “hot mess”.

 

How you THINK you dance drunk:

 

How you ACTUALLY dance drunk:

 

How you THINK you look in the mirror drunk:

 

How you ACTUALLY look drunk:

 

How you THINK you flirt drunk:

 

How you ACTUALLY flirt drunk:

……

How you WISH you ended the night:

 

How you ACTUALLY ended the night:

 

Hot? No.

Mess? Indisputably so.

In closing, I feel fairly accurate when I say that the hot and drunk delusion happens to the best of us…and the worst of us…ok all of us. Everyone can relate at some level. If you can’t…you’re delusional. Don’t kid yourself. Are you sober reading this? Being delusional and sober is far worse than being delusional and plastered. Get help. And avoid your inner imp.