I think the cake new what was about to happen…

With a creamy icing & a Bavarian filling taunting me; its fate was sealed.

It had it coming. Who could blame me? No, I don’t even think the cake could.

 

My daughter’s first birthday cake. What was left of it anyway lol!

It was time to finish it once & for all. I took the pillars off of the top that stabilized the layer above it. When I lifted it, a look of horror was revealed. The cake knew it was about to meet it’s end.

Not even kinda sorry. What?! It was GOOD!

 

Have any cake pics worth a laugh? Post it on the Popcorn Squirrel Mittens’ Facebook page. There’s a link on the home page.

Sharing is the next best thing to cake….not really, but it sounds nice right?

 

**********************************************************************

***UPDATE***

Aftermath from the massacre. And no, I didn’t act alone…I’m not a savage.

 

 

 

 

Ladies & Gentlemen; Pets everywhere:

I bring to you today a very sad but very real truth:

Stupid people can own dogs.

(Yes they can have children too, but that’s for another rant entirely.)

 

What’s worse, is that those dogs with the stupid owners get a bad rap. Stupid by proxy. Dumb by association. And they’re called “bad dogs” for having these stupid owners. They get handed to these halfwits, thrown out into the world with no compass; only misguided trust…a side effect of their domesticated DNA telling them:

 

There’s no instruction manual that comes with a dog, no owner is expected to take a class. (At least when stupid people are having a baby either they or someone they know will bring up the contemplation of “Er yew gunna take-a class?”)

You don’t have to know SH!T & can own a dog. And those dogs, get a crash course in the real world harshness of “I have no clue what this human wants & he sucks balls at telling me”.

 

If you decide on bringing something into your world that will impact your day to day life; how do you not educate yourself on the subject?

 

That’s just like people who own vehicles & don’t know their basic parts & maintenance. You OWN about a TWO TON piece of machinery that you operate, in public, daily, around people, fast…and you don’t know how it works? ………

I don’t sleep well at night…..I digress…back to the rant at hand…

 

Say it with me Readers:

There is no such thing as a “bad dog”; only bad owners…who are stupid.

Thank you.

 

Dogs can’t help the way they act if that’s all they know.

T H E Y ’ R E   D O G S.

 

In their mind, they live in dog world by dog rules.

Only problem is…

 

They don’t.

 

They live in people world with people rules. They’re out of their natural element. Domesticated, yes…but it’s still not natural. Don’t kid yourself.

They are expected to act appropriate & well-mannered in our world by the stupid owners & everyone else.

If one doesn’t take the time to teach & train them on how they are expected to behave; then how, pray tell, does one imagine dogs learn to behave?

Automatically?

 Nope.

 

Because you’re yelling at them?

 

 

Wrong again.

 

Need a hint? I’ll make it crystal…People own dogs & as such those dogs are under the care & protection of those people. Therefore it stands to reason that people must be held responsible in order to ensure their well-being. Radical concept, I know, but go with me on this…

Part of that, is teaching & training. That’s how it’s done. You don’t just run out & get a dog & it’s all

TA DA!

NO. You actually have to teach & train.

Yes, I know. But I assure you it’s true.

Having a dog means *GASP* WORK! The ultimate four letter word!

 

(I weep for your current and/or future children if this is you.)

No, she doesn’t think she’s a human. She knows she’s a dog; and she’s pretty sure you’re an idiot.

 

 

 

Go set yourself on fire. Seriously. Go.

 IMHO these knuckle draggers are the WORST of the stupid owners. They only get dogs for one single pure selfish purpose:

To show off how “macho” they are for having a “BIG MEAN INTIMIDATING DOG.” Meh meh meh

 They perpetuate the negative energy forced on certain breeds by association; unraveling the very fiber of what it truly means to have man’s best friend by your side.

Those types of dog owners, need to be kicked in the head; REPEATEDLY. Then set on fire.

And seriously dudes…If you make it clearly obvious that you’re compensating…well; then it’s clearly obvious that you’re compensating. ….Just saying.

But if you must, there are other ways you know….Like…

Why not get a loud truck, obnoxiously painted orange, with plastic blue testicles dangling from the rear bumper hitch, some shaky ass distorted woofers that sound like you captured a bunch of angry bees & shoved them into your cab, & a sticker of Calvin pissing on the logo of whatever model of truck you aren’t currently driving.

How’s that? Sound about right? Go buy a vehicle…an inanimate object that won’t be hurt by you or be in your wake when you have that single, earth shattering revelation hit your tiny brain hole:

No one cares.

Do that & be done with it.

DO NOT GET A DOG.

 

Stupid people can own dogs….smh…

 

Here’s some forced, unsolicited advice:

– Get a dog because you want to enrich an animal’s life & have it enrich yours.

– Be aware & be ready. Read up.

– Ask yourself the hard questions. Research the good, bad, & ugly.

– Be informed how to care & live with them for a good long time. Know what you’re getting into so you know if that’s what you want to be getting into.

– At the end of it all, if you’re still excited & thrilled with the idea of having a furry companion that will piss everywhere, eat other animals’ crusted lawn poo, & love you to itty bitty reesey pieceys despite you being a flawed human…Go for it! Seriously, they truly are worth it.

 

If you take anything away with you let it be this:

Training your dog is one of the best ways to give them love, security, & a sense of pack hierarchy which nurtures stability, guidance, & a feeling of protection; & they’ll have a better life for it.

Oh, and never forget the importance of a good snuggle.

 

 

WARNING: This is NOT a G-Rated post. Turn away if you don’t want to see foul language. This IS however a very immature post that I was compelled to share because my mind is constantly converting back to a 12 yr old that laughs when someone says duty….heh heh “duty” tee hee….I digress; you get the point.

 

 

I was introduced to a word puzzle game. It’s kinda like Boggle. I like Boggle. I downloaded it to my phone. It’s a fun game. It’s developers seem to have had fun with it as well.

Erm..ok so I don’t know about you but I see that plan as day. I’m thinking, no way, that can’t be done on purpose. Must’ve been an unfortunate series of algorithm hiccups right?!

My immaturity factor is steadily increasing at a rapid pace the more I stare at my screen. The corners of my mouth begin to tighten in a valiant but futile effort to act as the dam; holding in the cheesy smile & tee hee sure to follow. Of course I have to see if it was just an accident…. So do you; don’t deny it.

 

It was not.

This is a common game easily downloaded by anyone. It’s not adult themed in any way. I’ll let your comments below continue my trail of thought here…

 

Thanksgiving 2015: My sister is about to use a tub of butter today (well “butter”); as is customary when cooking a proper Thanksgiving dinner in our family (mmmm “butter”). She opens the lid & it has a sheer look of terror, as if it knows it’s face is about to get spooned out like Ben & Jerry’s on a dateless Friday night (mmmm ice cream).

Sorry friend, but being spread over freshly baked biscuits is your destiny & it demands to be fulfilled.

I am most thankful she shared this photo with me. You be thankful too.

Gotta food face of your own? I wanna see! Lemme see! Post it on the Popcorn Squirrel Mittens’ Facebook page. There’s a link on the home page.

Food & laughter make a wonderful combination…unless the food is milk…then maybe not so much.

It had just stopped raining. We’re on our way home. A beautiful rainbow appears. The cool part…we’re approaching Rainbow Blvd; complete coinkydink. Of course, I squee & grab my phone (No I’m not the one driving, derp.) I give you:

“The Street & Sky Double Rainbow”

This wasn’t photoshopped in any way. (I added the arrows with the description text obviously, double derp.) Rainbow Blvd is a real street in Las Vegas, where I live. This corner is Rainbow Blvd & Blue Diamond Blvd.

Anyone have a Rainbow street in your neck of the woods?

Challenge: Capture a real street & sky double rainbow. Post it on the Popcorn Squirrel Mittens’ Facebook page. (There’s a link on the home page.)  I’ll bow to your awesomeness. Let it be known: If you photoshop it & try to pawn it off as real, you agree to be dubbed an asshat for all eternity.

 

I have three yorkies.

Each day, multiple times a day, they’re taken on walks. On leash.

                                                                         

You’d think that the “on leash” part was unnecessary because it’s understood that they’d be on leash for a walk; a given…

Yeah; you’d think….

My Yorkies are very well trained, well mannered, proper Yorkies. They do all the basic commands; & a few side tricks for kicks. We have a mutual trust & respect & it runs deep. I have no worries with them.

Because of this, our walks are leisurely & relaxing. There’s no barking at other dogs or people; just calm, pleasant. You can actually hear birds chirping.

The point I’m making here is: They’re good dogs. Really good dogs… And even though they’re this incredibly trained AND awesome….

I STILL don’t let them outside off leash.

 

 

FACT: Not putting a dog on a leash is stupid. It puts other people, other dogs, and even your own dog at risk. You who do that, are stupid. You think nothing of it. And that’s why you’re stupid, indisputably so.

What’s worse? You know better. Just as you know better than to stick your hand in fire.

That common sense hasn’t alluded you. If you’re able to understand something as simple as that; then the leash concept shouldn’t be too hard for you to grasp either. NOPE. I give you no breaks.

NO BREAKS FOR YOU!

 

This I share with the utmost irritation because these are the kind of people I encounter on our walks. The stupid “off leashers”.

It’s Story Time….

I’m walking my three dogs at night where I live, on leash (duh). I turn a corner & a man is getting out of his truck.

There’s a big dog in the passenger side.

I think nothing of it, until I see the man open the passenger door of his jacked-up-higher-than-it-needs-to-ever-be truck, & proceeds to let his dog out; unleashed.

Now at this point I’ve already passed the scene, & while thinking to myself, moron (the man not the dog); I continue on our walk.

 

 

 

 

 

Then, I faintly hear in the distance a man yelling to “git back here”.

 

 

 

But he’s not after me; he’s after my dogs. Great.

I stand my ground on guard with my dogs behind me.

(I know I can’t run. Running signals to the dog that you’re prey. I don’t like the idea of being prey. Plus, I have three dogs anchored to me; running is not an option.)

He lunges for my yorkies.

And not in an “I’m just overly excited & don’t know what to do with my big self” kinda way.

No. More of a “I was considered for the role of Cujo but they thought I was too intense for the part” kinda way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is what the brick house must’ve felt like protecting the three little pigs from the big bad wolf.

This happens all in what felt like forever but in reality only 30 seconds passed. (It only takes a second for a dog to bite though…just saying.)

Finally the owner who, although I don’t know his name, I affectionately call asshole, comes running over.

(Yeah, that really worked the first time you screamed it like a maniac.)

 

 

Of course this all fell on deaf ears as he walked into his apartment holding his dog by the collar; still unleashed. No apologies. Asshole.

Can you imagine if I used the same reasoning as him that night & didn’t put my dogs on leashes either?…

                                                                           And cue train wreck.

 

I see this unleashed stupidity far too often……

Another time I was walking my dogs, this mini Chewbacca terrier comes barreling out from around the corner towards us; barking at auctioneer speed; looking like he borrowed his mouth from a much bigger dog.

 

 

Owner nowhere in sight. Peaches. I have to put my dogs behind me & be the blockade while Fizzgig here tries to break me…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And it’s working.

 

I’m stuck; I can’t move. If I try to engage I’ll lose the ability to shield my dogs. This went on for a good Disney minute.

The owner finally has a clue, & runs to scoop up his precious vicious malicious.

He didn’t get it. Shocker. (People like this make my brain cry.)

 

I walk by a house; & guarding it’s patio is a rat for a dog; literally. I’m convinced that’s a barking rat & the lady living there is a rodent trainer in seclusion; her talents, unappreciated by the world; a savant ahead of her time.

It shrills incessantly while trying to squeeze under her patio wall. She just shrugs & says “that’s the way they are”.

The way who are; rats? I don’t know enough about them to argue, but if you can train them to bark you can train them to STFU!

 ….I’m still not sure.

 

I’ve seen out & about a woman in a hot pink velour jump suit, which I can only pray she’s wearing because it’s laundry day. She’s holding her Chihuahua as if it were a purse but then lets it down so she can grab her phone.

The little dog is just pounding the pavement with nothing holding it back; & she’s lost in her texts; all of which I’m sure are riveting.

Put a diamond studded collar on your pup for fashion, but a leash for safety? Well that’s just one too many accessories; I mean come on. To quote Coco…look in the mirror & take one item off before stepping out…

 

 

But seriously. The leash. You’re drowning in Claire’s & you choose the leash? smh…

 

I even see dogs at an open park, there are no fences.

There are no leashes.

There are no words….

 

Bottom Line: And My Personal Belief:

I don’t care how “trained” you think your dog is. It’s a DOG. It has instincts. Instincts can trump training. So if your dog has NO training, then those instincts aren’t the slightest bit in check; and even if it’s been trained like mine have, it still has instincts. It’s our responsibility to ensure they don’t hurt others or themselves with these instincts.

Pull your adult pants up and put the dog leash on. Make dog walking great again.